[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions
A lot of people think that.. what I say on record
or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it
Well, shit... if you believe that
then I'm killin you
You know why?
Cuz I'm a

CRIMINAL
CRIMINAL
You god damn right
I'm a CRIMINAL
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

[Eminem]
My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin' at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of 'em
They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of 'em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin the mail
Get it? Checkin the 'male'?
How many records you expectin' to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher, preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing 'cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
with a brand new cd for these fuckin' retards (uh-duhh)
And to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. Don't-Give-A-Fuck still won't leave

(Chorus: Eminem repeat 2x)
I'm a CRIMINAL
Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
and keep goin', I don't take shit from no one

[Eminem]
My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you s'posed to grow up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word ...
My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happenin' to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - *kch* the maniac's in
Replacin' the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?
I'm a CRIMINAL

[Interlude Skit]
A'ight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfuckin' money and get the fuck up outta there
[Em] Aight
I'll be right here waitin on you
[Em] Aight
Yo Em
[Em] What?!
Don't kill nobody this time
[Em] Awwright...
(whispering) ...god damn, this motherfucker gets on my fuckin' nerves...
(whistling) How you doin'?
[Teller] Hi, how can I help you?
[Eminem] Yeah, I need to make a withdraw,
[Teller] Okay,
[Eminem] Put the fuckin' money in the bag bitch
and I won't kill you!
[Teller] What? Oh my god, don't kill me
[Eminem] I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin' around...
[Teller] Don't kill me, please don't kill me...
[Eminem] I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you...
Hurry the fuck up! {gunshot} Thank you!

[Eminem]
Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick in between my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so jus tape it shut
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask

(Chorus 2X)