(Calling all cars, calling all cars...)
(Be on the lookout for a tall light-skinned brother with dimples)
(Wearing a black kangol, sweatsuit, gold chain, and sneakers)
(Last seen on Farmers Boulevard headed east)
(Alias L.L. Cool J)
(He's bad...)
Aaaahhhhhhhhhh...

No rapper can rap quite like I can
I'll take a musclebound man and put his face in the sand
Not the last Mafioso I'm a MC cop
Make you say, "Go L.L. and do the wop"

If you think you can outrhyme me, yeah boy I bet
Cause I ain't met a motherfucker who can do that yet
Trendsetter I'm better my rhymes are good
I got a gourmet plate that says I wish you would

And when rap begin then I gotta join in and
Before my rhyme is over you know I'm a win
Cool J has arrived so you better make way
Ask anybody in the crowd they say the kid don't play!

Sparring competition that's my hobby and job
I don't wear a disguise because I don't owe the mob
Got a pinpoint rap that makes you feel trapped
So many girls on my jock I think my phone here is tapped

I'm bad
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(C C C C Cool J J)
(Cool J)
(C C C C C C C Cool J J J J J)

I'm like Tyson icin' I'm a soldier at war
I'm makin' sure you don't try to battle me no more
Got concrete rhymes been rappin' for ten years and
Even when I'm braggin' I'm bein' sincere

MC's can't win I make 'em rust like tin
They call me Jaws my hat is like a shark's fin
Because I'm bad as can be got my voice all waxed
Some brothers think he's making records now he must have relaxed

I couldn't shouldn't and it'll stay that way
The best rapper you've heard is L.L. Cool J
Kamikaze take a look at what I've done
Used to rock in my basement now I'm number one

And can happen on time never standin' on lime
You wanna try me first you better learn how to rhyme
I'm the pinnacle that means I reign supreme
And I'm notorious I'll crush you like a jelly bean

I'm bad

I eliminate punks cut 'em up in chunks
You were souped you heard me and your ego shrunk
I'm devastating I'm so good it's a shame
Cause I eat rappers like a cannibal they call me insane

I'm as strong as a bull of course you know I appall
I enjoy what I'm doing plus I'm paid in full
Not Buckaroo Bonsai but busted out as I
Say the kind of rhymes that make MC's wish that I tie

Never retire or put my mike on the shelf
The baddest rapper in the history of rap itself
Not bitter or mad just provin' I'm bad
You want a hit give me a hour plus a pen and a pad

MC's they retreat cause they know I can beat 'em
And eat 'em in a battle and the ref won't cheat 'em
I'm the best takin' out all rookies
So forget Oreos eat Cool J coookies

I'm bad
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J)
(Cool J J J)
(Cool J J J)
(C Cool J)

Never ever no never
Never wearin' no Levis battle me why try
I'll treat you like a stepchild so tell mommy bye bye
Sparrin' MC's and I'm a never get whipped
When I retire I'll get worshipped like an old battleship

L.L. I'm bad all the rappers know
When I enter the center they say, "Yo, yo there he go!"
My paycheck's large Mr. Bogart in charge
Not a punter or a hunter from a raccoon lodge

The original Todd teachin' how to be hard
Take the skin off a snake and split a pea from a pod
You're a novice I'm noble and I decipher my tongue
Not Atilla the Hun but no I'm Threwler his son

My vocals exact like rack-and-pinion in a Jag
You try to brag you get your rhymes from a grab-bag
No good scavenger catfish vulture
My tongue's a chisel in this competition sculpture

I'm bad
(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(Think I'm gonna need backup)
(What you need that for?)
(Yo this is L.L. Cool J)
(And you'll never catch me so don't even try it)
(I'm too bad for ya, understand...)
Aaaaaahhhh... I'm bad!